bcachefs: Handle dropping pointers in data_update path

bcachefs: Handle dropping pointers in data_update path

Cached pointers are generally dropped, not moved: this led to an
assertion firing in the data update path when there were no new replicas
being written.

This path adds a data_options field for pointers to be dropped, and
tweaks move_extent() to check if we're only dropping pointers, not
writing new ones, before kicking off a data update operation.

Signed-off-by: Kent Overstreet <kent.overstreet@linux.dev>